Sharing

My daughter is learning what sharing means.  She hasn't quite got the concept yet, but she is trying.

She loves coloring with me.  However, if I have a color she wants, she takes it from me.  If I am coloring where she wants to color, she moves my hand.  The truth of the matter is, I usually don't care what I am coloring or with which colors, but I have to teach her to share and to take turns.  Sometimes I forget to do that.

She discovered a Sesame Street episode that talked about sharing and it was her favorite thing to watch for weeks.  She watched it dozens of times.  After watching the show for a while, she changed her tactics.  Now, instead of just taking the crayon from me, she will look right into my face and say, "share," then take the crayon away from me.

Be Happy

I know there are stay at home moms who are lucky enough to be able to afford to not work who feel guilty about wanting to work.  It is important for everyone to feel fulfilled.  Just because my greatest desire is to be a stay at home mom, that doesn't mean everyone has to have the same desire as me.  Everyone needs to feel happy with their life.  If there is a stay at home mom who feels that she needs to do something for herself, to be with adults, to do something "productive" (not that being a homemaker isn't productive) in order for her to be happy, she ought to do it.  It doesn't need to be full time.  Just a little something to remind her that she is more than just, "Mommy."

It's like the sign my mother had on our wall growing up, "If Mommy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Gotta Pay Those Bills

I spend my days writing online articles, blogging, job searching, promoting my home party business, finding students to tutor, and any other odd jobs I can find.  I feel like I am neglecting my daughter.  I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that I'm just going to be leaving her again!  If I end up having to go back to work come August then I am going to be regretting all the time I spend trying to find lucrative ways to work from home instead of spending more quality time with her.

There is still time.  Who knows what could happen.  That perfect job could just land in my lap in the nick of time.  One of my blogs could take off and earn me some money.  I could get some people on my Paparazzi Accessories team and my home party business could boom.

Though I still feel at peace with the decision I made, I still worry about how all those bills are going to be paid.

A Teacher By Profession

I am a teacher by profession.  I love teaching.  As my husband reminds me, no other job gives me the same amount of days off in a year to be at home with my daughter.  On the other hand a teacher spends all of her days off trying to improve herself (or himself) as a teacher all for the benefit of her (or his) students.

Teachers have 8 clock hours just like any other profession but with the added expectations of parent-teacher conferences, lesson planning, and grading papers (to say the least).  However it is impossible to be an effective teacher and complete all the lesson planning, grade all the papers, and contact all the parents within those allotted 8 hours due to the fact that most of that time is spent actually teaching students.  Therefore most of the "free time" teachers have is used up in completing the responsibilities of being a teacher.

That was fine and dandy when I was single.  I love teaching so preparing to teach during my free time wasn't so much of a burden.  Then I got married.  My husband understood I had things to do and though it cut into our time together he was understanding.  Now that I am a mother it is more difficult for me to take that time I am supposed to be with her and use it to become a better teacher.

I was spreading myself thin and I wasn't happy.  As much as I loved being a teacher, I missed my daughter more.  Being a mother was all I ever wanted to be.  The only thing getting me through the school year was knowing I wasn't going to return.

Now it is the summer.  I am loving being at home with my daughter.  I love the cooking, the cleaning, and doing the laundry.  The only problem is I have to continue to make the same amount of money I was making as a teacher and I haven't been able to find any stay at home or work from home jobs that would fit the bill (or pay the bills rather).  As August approaches I am beginning to fear I'll have to once again leave my daughter and spend my days with other people's children instead of my own.

I feel at peace with my decision to not renew my teaching contract.  As much as I have no idea how all our bills will be paid in August, I am at peace with my choice.  Being a religious person I know that God has approved my choice and has a plan for me.  I just wish I knew what it was.