What's The Difference

So I am in a situation where I can choose to continue what I have already been doing. . . working "outside" the home in an occupation that requires me to take work home OR take a leap and attempt to find work where I can work from home.

Working from home would mean I could spend more time with my children. Working from home would mean I am constantly thinking about work and when I am going to have time to work from home.

Staying in my current occupation would mean I was away from my children and when I was home I would be constantly thinking about work and when I would have time to work from home.

Which do I choose? The path that leads me home but not there or the path that leads me away from home. I am thinking being home but not "there" might be the better path? But then being away and then coming home and trying to be "there" as much as possible might be the better route.

Oh, what to do, what to do!

Oh so tired

Wanting to spend all my time with my children until I have to go back to work leaves me with a dilemma. While my children nap, I can try to find ways to earn money. . . or earn money. . . BUT I just had a baby and I fall asleep. . .

Fund Me

As I hear about all of those people who get a Go Fund Me account for ridiculous things I sometimes think, "What about me?" Can I get a Go Fund Me account started to support my desire to be a stay at home mom? But I wouldn't do that. I believe that Go Fund Me should go towards families who are struggling to pay for medical bills due to a child's illness or to pay for the funeral for a family who's father was suddenly taken away from them.

So now I struggle with my dilemma. Do I go back to teaching where I know I can earn enough money to pay the bills but takes me away from the precious time I have with my little ones or do I struggle trying to find ways to make a living from home? I am afraid teaching is going to win. That means I have to put my best foot forward and put the needs of my students before the needs of my family or they won't ask me back the next year (assuming I get a job this year) and I'll be in the same situation next year!

My Narrative

My last post was almost 2 years ago. My, my, how my life has changed a lot since then.

Once again, I find myself wishing I could find a way to successfully work from home.

Things were going well for us. I was working at a school that I LOVED. I had just given birth to our third child. We got rid of a lot of our debt, leaving just a couple of things to still work on. I was planning fun activities to do with my children this summer. I was thrilled with the opportunity I had before me to finally get my house in order.  I had all these ideas in my head to prepare planning for the next school year - to make next year better than this year.

And then the bubble burst. All the stress lifted from my shoulders by getting rid of all the debt was restored when I got a call from work. They were not going to renew my contract. I was floored. Now what am I going to do? I have 8 weeks until I should be back at work and now I have to spend all that time I was going to devote to my children to now searching for a job. Well, not all of it, but some of it. Time that I was going to dedicate to my children has now been taken away from them.

Now I don't even want to teach anymore. Blame it on the postpartum hormones but I feel so inadequate and I don't feel like trying to convince someone to hire me again.

So my thoughts go back to working from home. What can I do? Can I make enough money from home?

I read a quote someone posted on Facebook about it not being too late to follow your dreams. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a writer. If only I had chosen that career instead. Why did I think I couldn't make it as a writer? I loved creative writing but it got put on the back burner. Why? Now I am out of practice. Even if I did pick up writing again. It won't pay the bills. At least it won't start 8 weeks from now. So what do I do in the meantime? That is the constant question!

Finding Balance

It is a balancing act. Being a teacher, I have lots of time off, but using that time to prepare for school is very tempting. Having children, I want to devote all my "free" time to them. But then, there is the cleaning, cooking, and washing that needs to be done. The necessity for me to earn an income then increases my desire to find ways of working from home (with enough money to make it worth for me to stay at home). So then, I find when I am home with my children, I'm not really "there." 

It is a balancing act I am struggling to perfect. It is especially challenging when I find I have spent my summer focusing more on my children and then find out I should have been also working on ways to work from home because what I thought was a secure job, falls through and and I stuck trying to find a job.

Like I said, it is a balancing act. 

Busy, Busy, Busy

Sometimes I wonder. . . I want to spend time with husband, I want to spend time with my daughter, I want to keep the house clean, I need to keep paying bills, I want to keep up with the laundry, I want to finish unpacking (we moved over a year ago), I want to organize the garage. . . I barely have time to blog as much as I like (or need to to be successful), so if that is true for me, is it true for others?  Who possibly has time to sit down and actually read my blogs and then. . . are they even worth reading????

Neglect

I feel like there is so much that I have to do that I have to neglect some things.  I can't give 100% in all areas of my life so I feel like a slacker in all areas of my life. Being a mom is a full time job.  It isn't fair that I also have to actually have a full time job.  Being a homemaker and mother is enough of a responsibility.  So, as I sit here blogging, I am neglecting my child, my house, and even work (yes, teachers have stuff to do on the weekend though they don't get paid for it).  All in the hopes that perhaps one day, one of my blogs will become successful enough that I can make a living blogging.  It has happened with others.  Why not me?  I should be so lucky.